Live-Blogging the Golden Globes (Condensed)

Now that the Golden Globes are over, in the interest of making the comments more readable, and to make it easier for those who want to skip them entirely and go back to earlier posts, I've decided to put all of the individual posts together.  For the thirty or so people who followed all the posts, huge thanks, and to those who still care about the Golden Globes, this is for you...

Sunday Night, 7:01---

Ok, so I'm alone with Schlotzky's, a glass of wine, and some popcorn for later.  I'll be drinking and watching and writing, and am really looking forward to watching, and rooting like HELL for Emma Thompson.

•  Tom Hanks is obviously a Longhorn fan and has painted his face accordingly.
•  Woah!  It's not just Tom Hanks.  Orange is the color for the evening. 
• Julia Louie's e-cigarette equals awesome sauce.
• Kerri Washington looks awesome and Scandal is definitely on my list of shows to catch up on.
• What the fuck is up with presenters entering from their tables???  "excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me..." WTF is up with Sandra Bullocks dress??  It belongs on Barbie.
• Jennifer Lawrence is praising the "I Heart Huckabees" director.  Has she seen the youtube video where he throws things at Lily Tomlin?
• Jacqueline Bissett is so moved!!!  I love her little tear stained face. Wait...now she's milking it...milk the shit out of your "hard luck" story Jackie.  Stop pausing.  Is she drunk??  She's fucking drunk.  Holy balls, this speech...there goes the music.  UH-OH!!!!!!  She got bleeped!  They will defs be talkin' bout this shizz tomorrow.

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• New drinking game-  Drink every time you hear the word "shaking". 
• Jane and Garth???
• 2nd Bleep of the night.  Way to go Mad Men chick.
• Matt Damon became even sexier just by admitting he wears glasses.  Yum.  I love his salt and pepper hair.  I'm gonna lick the tv screen.
• I hate both Judy Greer and Jane Krakowski.  Are they really sisters????  Ugh.  No wonder.
• If you haven't seen the video where Lily Tomlin and David O'Russel freak out on each other...here it is.

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No one was ready to return from the commercial break, apparently.  The noise!!!  But thank God they mentioned V.I. Warshawski.

Don't try to be funny little Swedish man who is the President of the Foreign Press.

I loved Kyle Chandler in Wolf of Wallstreet.  He was the only character I didn't want to flush down the toidy.

Some stylist fucking hates that Latina chick with the white dress. This is what she's reminding me of right now.

 

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• My face is hot.  Whew.  Rum.

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The real Philomena Lee just walked out on stage.  My heart just exploded.  She's so amazing.  Emma Thompson just stood up and applauded her.  My exploded pieces of my heart just quivered.  You guys, see Philomena.  It's one of my two favorite films of the year.

Meryl Streep looks flawless in her Clark Kent glasses.

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Oh God.  John Voigt.  It's Jackie B all over again...whew.  Way to pull it together and go on John.

Greta Gerwig is so gorgeous with her red hair.  Good Lord!

The orchestra needs to cool its shit out.

Emma Watson has too much blush on. 

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Lesbian tennis players everywhere are applauding Robin Wright's win.

Jared Leto, take the bun out of your hair.

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Emma, I love  you with your pumps in one hand and martini in the other.  Way to lampoon your reputation for being prim and proper.

Seriously, orchestra.  You are being an asshole.  Leave Spike alone.

I love Julie Bowen.  She's hilarious.  Her sleeves look like upside down teeth.  Bloody upside down teeth.  And red and purple don't go together.

Lorne Michaels fucking HATES Andy Samberg.  He is so non-plussed.

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Zoe Salalala made her own dress, yall.  And those straps are just too much of a fuckin' bother to keep up.

Andy Kaufman is alive and well and just won a Golden Globe.

This Melissa McCarthy as Matt Damon shizz is bizarre and hilarious. 

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I will definitely be watching The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon.  His late night show recalls the glory days of Johnny Carson.

That chick in the teal dress from Frozen, no disrespect, has some HUGE NOSTRILS!!!!

The two films I'm most excited about, and have not yet seen are Inside Llewyn Davis and Her. 

New Drinking Game-  Drink every time someone says "I was SO not prepared for this!" and or "nervous".

Kate Winslet, I love you.  I would watch a film of you pooping.  And it's probably out there.

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Emma Stone...fer realsies?  I don't know what to say.

Woody Allen, you are a genius.  Diane Keaton you look awesome.  Wear the shit out of that suit.  And her speech.  It's like she's just talking to us.  For once I'm not bored by the CB Demille Award speech.  Third bleep of the evening.   

Cate Blanchet!!!! Hollywood glamor  is alive!

Wait, what the hell is Diane Keaton singing.  I'm uncomfortable.

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New drinking game- drink whenever someone says "wrap it up" or "I will wrap it up".

Who's that man standing in front of the cast of Brooklyn 499 and talking?  Hubba-Hubba, I have some googling to do.

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Jennifer Lawrence's dress reminds me of this.

 

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Exploded, quivering heart just melted with Nicki Lauder's speech.

This lady is totally upstaging the other Producers of American Hustle.  Way to point, Lady.

I'm done with the commercials that are blatantly manipulating my emotions to sell shit.  P&G and Cheerios, I'm talking to you.

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Two words.  Fillo Mania!!!!!!!!!! 

Joyce Dewitt is very happy for Cate Blanchett.

Oh my sweet Lord.  Best dressed of the evening, Cate Blanchett.  And so fricking intelligent and well-spoken.  And then she said that thing about Judy.  The verdict is out on that comment...Release the Kraken!!!!

Tonight is definitely the evening for a bunch of weird shit stuck onto blouses...Sally the lady from Blue Gardenia, I'm talking to you.  And Drew Barrymore.  And Emma Stone.

Matthew McConnaughey-  "get it, my King"?

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Sarah Paulson, leave Steve McQueen alone.Whew, that was exhausting, and now I feel like a mean snarky bitch with nothing better to do than drink rum on a Sunday night and make fun of prettier more talented people than me.  Huh.

Good Night Austin!  RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!