Judge A Book By It's Cover

In a significant way, I choose alcohol the way I, as a child, I chose the football team I was going to be a fan of.  The picture.  I know there's a very famous platitude which warns against judging a book by its cover, but truthfully, the cover is how a product, team or book chooses to represent itself.  It is carefully chosen to clue you in to what the product promises to bring you.  And a lot of times it's as good a reason to judge as any, depending on your reasons, of course.

In truth, the Bengal Tigers, which I chose as my team, and for awhile halfheartedly followed (which mostly means I drank Diet Coke from a Bengal Tigers mug) was a terrible team.  So if I'd cared about them winning, I wouldn't have picked them.  But I didn't care.  I just needed a reason to care for them, and the striped helmet was a good enough reason for me at the time.

And today, when I'm wandering through a liquor store looking for a promising new potion, I assume if it costs a certain amount it will probably taste just fine, and if I'm unsure I can just ask someone who works there about it.  This is the reason that for the past few years my drink of choice has been Sailor Jerry. 

This cute lil' lady...or one very much like her, adorns every bottle of Sailor Jerry rum.  So for me, I imagine this rum was made by a wisened sailor from the 40's and that drinking it is a bit like time travelling.  I get in my time machine, got back to a sea shanty in 1947 where Jerry is making his rum so that I may hear a bit of his sage advice, and drink rum made by a man who knows what rum should taste like.  Plus, in my imagination I have a cute little drinking companion to guide me as I drink my way through the bottle. 
Of course, this choice has caused me grief amongst my friends, who think the little bottles I like to drink from are kind of creepy, but I don't care!  Or at least, I didn't...but recently I got bored.  I hate to say I got tired of my pin-up gal pals, but I needed something new.  So I wandered the liquor stores until I found this...
The KRAKEN!!!!  The beast of Greek myth that is called by Poseidon to wreak havoc upon the mortals when they misbehave.  Yes.  I like it.  It allows me to imagine that I am releasing the Kraken, any time I open the bottle and pour a bit of it into a glass.  And that will do just fine.

Joe Hartman