I've had some pretty bizarre, certainly telling dreams lately, and whereas they usually fade from memory upon waking, these have stuck with me.  I present them now for your entertainment.

1.   (Dreamt a couple of weeks ago) I was at my old workplace.  They had moved offices and I'm not sure exactly why I was there, but they had asked me back to help them out in some capacity or other and so I had stopped by.  Of course, when I was leaving for work, pants didn't seem like a necessity, but when I arrived at work I realized my gaffe.  I walked around, trying to pretend I was dressed perfectly normally, but the CFO of the company, a "by the books type" as CFOs usually are, walked by and gave me a withering look.  She stepped into a very important meeting with clients, and as she entered the conference room I realized that I was standing in front of the big glass window to said room, and that the blinds were open.  Completely embarrassed I crept to a corner of the room and slid down next to a copy machine, hoping nobody would find me.

2.   (Dreamt the night before last)  This one's another riff on a theme.  Somehow, I'd ended up naked at the Antique Mall, the realization of which came to me mid-shopping spree.  I had to get home, and driving was not an option, so I grabbed a couple of antiques from the store, using one antique to shield my front and the other my back as I raced down the busy street.  Of course two gay friends of mine happened to see me, and I ignored them as I ran, knowing they were judging snarkily.

3.    (Dreamt last night)  I had developed some kind of a condition in which my jowls had reddened and become shaped like an orangutans.  See below...

My cheeks were not quite this large however, and could be somewhat disguised by the massive main of black hair I had on my head.  I went to the doctor, who told me everything would go back to normal after a day or two, and it was probably stressed related.  Unfortunately, I had been put in charge of publicity for a concert/dance jam and could not hide in the house waiting for the swelling to go down.  So out I went, danced up a storm, met Eric from the first season of The Real World who refused to put on a shirt, in spite of the fact that his once muscular physique had gone to seed.  After the event, during which I saved an heiress from an embarrassing moment when she nearly missed her time onstage due to being in the port-a-potty, I was sitting by myself on the street waiting for a bus, when a group of twelve year old girls walked up to me and handed me a piece of candy.  On the candy was a note that I had been given a "chubby boy Valentine"!!!   It said, since I obviously loved chocolate I shouldn't concern myself with the health risks of being fat and just gorge away on the heart stopping treat I'd been given.  Of course I was righteously enraged and followed those children home, screaming and cursing at them, telling them that they were certainly not perfect and I happily notated their obviously flaws as I chased them to their apartment, where I began to berate their mother for sending them out on a errand of hate.  She eventually saw my side of things, and we became, if not friends, frenemies. 
What do these dreams tell me?  I'm obviously suffering a bout of low self-esteem, and while I seem to be getting more powerful in each dream, my ego is obviously in need of some stroking.  Get me to a Louise Hay workshop stat. 

Joe Hartman