True Confessions

I've titled this post "True Confessions" because nothing is more freeing than letting go of secrets.  It's liberating.  And as one who vacillates between not caring what people think, and caring to the extreme, it's a good exercise in the art of putting truth out there.  A word of warning.  These are very random, being written as I write them, and I'm not out to shock, but some of these may be considered "TMI" and will very likely mean that some of you reading this will never sleep with me, or never sleep with me again.  And you may be thinking that you weren't likely to sleep with me anyway.  Fine.  But, possibly I didn't know this, so in writing the truth I am giving up on that sliver of hope I still held that we might enjoy connubial bliss.   

Confession 1.  When I used to live in a very small apartment in Los Angeles (a studio apartment) I had a little cat named Ira.  I still have this cat.  Unfortunately, living in such a small space with a cat caused some problems.  Mainly?  Kitty litter in the bed.  Yep, it's fucking disgusting, I agree.  And I did as much as I could to stop it-  no track litter, little rugs for him to scratch it off on, but nothing worked.  And sad as it is, I got used to it.  When a girl in a romantic clinch (yes, I used to date girls) thought the crumbs were crackers in the bed, I kept my mouth shut. 

On a side note, I am very particular about cleanliness in my apartment now.  And thanks to a much larger space, and a habit of making my bed every morning, my bed is as pristine as an angel's cloud in Heaven.  I know you were wondering.

Confession 2.  Sometimes while masturbating, my cat has been in the room.  Occasionally he's been asleep next to me on the pillow, or nestled at my feet, and while normally I would kick him off the bed, I will admit that there have been times when I didn't want to disturb him, so I just let him lay there. 

Confession 3.  I still go through the index of every show biz book I find, seeking out "Judy Garland" to see if she was considered relevant enough to mention, and to see if she's treated well within it's pages.  If she's not, the author will forever be on my "shit list" to one degree or another.  Furthermore, if I read a story in which some person treated her badly, they are also on said list.  As a result, people people I have at least a small disdain for include: film critic David Thomson, Cloris Leachman, Elizabeth Taylor, Angela Lansbury, Mel Torme, and Lucille Ball.  Conversely, if the author or a certain subject of his or her tome loves Judy and treats her well, they have won my complete and eternal respect.  So kudos to you Marilyn Monroe, Katherine Hepburn, Fred Astaire, Tony Bennett,  Tori Amos, Tennessee Williams and Julie Andrews. 

Whew.  I don't know bout you, but I'm beat.  A little truth goes a long way.  But fear not, I'm sure the mood to confess will hit me again at a later point. ..
Joe Hartman